[There's no trap. Just Dick trying to right some wrongs and get Jason to stay for a while. Find out how he's doing in some roundabout way that doesn't involve too many questions.
He's terrible at this, but the way they left things was pure shit.]
Yeah, Gar made some eggs and kale juice before he headed out. There's also some leftover cauliflower pizza. It's better the second day.
[ Dick follows after Jason, back to the kitchen, scoffing at the judgement. He'd get judgmental right back, but that's not what he's here to do, and honestly it's nice to see Jason making himself right at home again.
He has more sense than to say that out loud, though. ]
Fine, I caved and got Chinese food last night- but I don't know if that's what you want for breakfast.
[ There's also cereal, or if Jason wants to make his own eggs, no problem. Dick is gonna go to town on this box of coffee right now. ]
Thanks again for the coffee. Hope you didn't have to go too far out of your way.
[ Then again, Jason's here at the Tower. Dick knows how much it must've taken for him to decide to come back here. ]
[Jason considers the Chinese, but goes for the cereal, pouring out a bowl and fishing for milk before leaning back against the counter, a healthy distance between him and Dick, but not a conspicuously giant one. He shrugs.]
I was passing by anyway. I buy weed off the barista there.
[He says it deadpan, but there's a faint smile that says he's joking. Probably.]
[ Dick shifts on his feet, leaning back against the counter opposite Jason as he takes a longer sip of his coffee. He wants to give Jason a lecture so badly right now, but for once he holds his tongue.
Unhelpful, he reminds himself. With Jason, he hasn't been entirely unhelpful. ]
So you have places to stay? You're not just...
[ Out on the street, Dick wants to say, but it twists in his gut.]
[ It's a hard deal, picking up Gotham piece by piece after everything that happened here. Bruce rode back in on the wings of recovery, but there's still a long way to go. For them, for Gotham, for Jason.
Dick can't stop thinking about him- how much he helped them in the end, how he came back to make his peace with Bruce. How no matter what Jason put out there, he really was just trying to find his place, and now he's displaced yet again. He'll never forgive Jason for killing Hank, but all of this is so much more complicated than that. He can't forget the way Jason sounded when he asked to come back home.
Despite what Jason told Bruce, Dick's almost positive that Jason isn't going to leave Gotham, and neither will he or the Titans. Maybe they should, but setting things back on track here in Gotham feels like a priority. Dick knows it's his mess to clean up anyway, just as much as Red Hood's.
In the end it's the date that convinces Dick to reach out, though he waffles with what to say for half the day before he finally just sends a message.]
( This wasn't what he wanted. This was never what he wanted. Gotham was his home. He wanted things to be better, he wanted the people to finally feel listened to and the assholes who really made shit bad, the mobsters that ran Gotham, to finally get their just desserts. That was his plan, and why he thought that Scarecrow would be on his side for any of it... It was stupid. He was stupid.
But he wasn't afraid anymore. Drugs or no fucking drugs, he was done. It's just... that all of Gotham had to experience Jason fucking Todd's journey to find himself after being dead as shit, bro. He's never going to forgive himself for some of the things that he's done either. And maybe some part of him hoped-- no, a big part of him hoped that someone else could do it for him. But he knew they couldn't.
So he made his amends as much as he could. To Bruce, to Dick. And for the first while did consider picking up and heading out. Just leaving it all behind. But Gotham was his home, and it was dirty, and violent, and even Hell itself might be nicer, but it was his. And he could fill in a gap he knew Bruce wouldn't touch. He knew he could.
But first: putting shit back together.
The text was--eh, surprising, yeah. Wasn't really expecting to be in contact with anyone after all that. Frankly, Jason's been so preoccupied he hadn't even noticed the date. Molly might have said something but, you know. He's kind of been avoiding her. )
[ Dick knows he might not get a response from Jason. They parted on surprisingly decent terms, considering everything that had happened, but that doesn't mean all is well. And yet he's hopeful, because all of their worlds have shifted, and maybe now they can work something out.
With all of that in mind, Jason texting him back is a relief. ]
Wherever works best for you. I know you're laying low.
[The last thing Dick wants is to drag him out into the wide open when there are still quite a few people gunning for Red Hood.]
( How does he reinvent himself from here? When everything went exactly the way he didn't want it to. The people he wanted to help were hurt just the same. He didn't agree with the way Batman did things; with the way the Titan's did things... he's learned that much now, but what happened back there. )
I'll send a pin.
( A few moments later a pin came in, and it was exactly where Dick likely expected. Deep into the Narrows; the top floor of one of many crammed highrise buildings. It was exactly what someone would expect it to look like. Small, a mattress for a bed and a couch. Milk crates for tables. The fridge was loud. The stove was old. The lighting worked sometimes, but brownouts were frequent. The TV was ancient and there was no AC. Just some old fans.
But it was fine. He's lived like this before, but when Dick arrives it's the shitty concrete balcony where Jay could be found. Sitting, hidden behind the slab walls. Smoking a cigarette. And he looked worst for wear. Sweaty beyond what summer should have someone, tired. )
[ He isn't surprised at all by the location when he gets the pin. He figured he might be heading to the Narrows tonight. The last time Dick was there, it was in worse shape than usual. Crane did a number on Gotham, but as Jason knows, certain parts always get hit harder. ]
Be there soon.
[ He messages back, then heads out, stopping at Jason's favorite burger joint to grab them some food. He's not sure how Jason's doing, but the guy's gotta eat either way- Especially on his birthday- hopefully always. Dick knows how things used to be for him before Bruce.
When he gets to the address Jason dropped he heads into the building and up the stairs, knocking on Jason's door. Once, twice, before he decides to head inside. He's hesitant, but there's this worry that spikes inside of him as well, which pushes him forward, slowly glancing around the place as he moves through it. There's not much to move through, not a whole lot to look at, but he does spot the open window and the smell of cigarette smoke wafting inside. Dick realizes then how tense he's been because he really didn't know what he'd find. ]
Jason?
[He calls out finally, sticking his head out the window.]
( The Narrows also didn't like him. No one liked him nowhere. Guess that's what he gets, Jason fucked up big time. People were a lot less likely to try anything here, though. As much as he hated to admit it, the people here were more likely to shut up and hide; mind their own business. And the criminals? Well, he could deal with those.
Not in this state, though. Which honestly, he could be worse. He'd tried to stop drinking once and that was a fucking nightmare. Jason had some experience with the whole withdrawal thing already, and he had vivid memories when his mom tried a few times. She did try, she did... and he'd forgotten that. He'd been so mad at her and himself over that lethal dose he'd forgotten that she never wanted to be that way. It's just sometimes... sometimes the pain is too much. And wasn't that why he started drinking in the first place?
Yeah, like it or not he was a lot like his mother. And about as stupid as his father. He really was their child. )
Sup. ( As far as looks go, well he could honestly look worse, too. Didn't look great. Sweaty and kind of waxy skin. Extremely tired eyes. His hands had a bit of a shake to them when they plucked the smoke from his lips. ) What, you never seen a dumbass in withdrawal before?
[ Jason doesn't look great. He really doesn't and yet when Dick climbs out the window to join him, the first thing he notices is that even through all this, at least his eyes don't have that vacant look, even if they're red rimmed and glassy. At least there's something alive in there there now. ]
You should have told me.
[ Or maybe he should have known better, but he had no idea what would happen with this drug, or if Jason really was clean when they spoke in those tunnels. He did as much with the drug as he could, but he never did find out much about it. ]
I could have brought something to help.
[Dick frowns, holding the fast food bag up as he comes to sit next to Jason, resisting the urge to check his vitals and all that.]
( That much was true. Jason's entire existence didn't look empty anymore. His eyes weren't vacant. He didn't have that... look, the look of a shell of a person. And while he'll probably never lose the edge that he gained after everything that had happened, he'll never come back from some of the things he's done, he looked human again. He acted human again. He even sounded human again. A kind of human that was distinctly Jason Todd.
Speaking of, he shoots Dick a look. ) Like what, dude? We have no idea what can help with this shit outside of anxiety meds, maybe. ( He shrugs. ) Probably wont help with anything else, though. ( He hasn't quit drinking, yet. One thing at a time. But he's drinking a lot less.
There's a moment. His eyes shift over to where Grayson sits beside him, and his urge? Honestly? He just wants to collapse on him. They'd never been that close. He hadn't been that close with anyone in a long time and... he didn't really want to count Rose in all that. But Jason was tired. God, he was tired. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally fucking tired. )
Food's good, man. Thanks. ( A shocker, that. He said thanks. )
Yeah, that. Anxiety meds or something to help you sleep, something for your stomach. How long as this been going on?
[ The look Jason shoots him is good. It's very Jason, and that much Dick can appreciate, even after all of this. To think, how it took all this for him to feel this way. It's shitty all around. At least he can admit that now too.
Dick would probably think he was losing his own mind if Jason collapsed on him, but he'd get it. Dick can feel the tiredness seeping out of his bones in every direction. Withdrawal is hard and complicated. Even more so when it isn't like any other drug out there. ]
I even got you a milkshake. The cold might help.
[Dick digs into the bag and pulls it out, holding it up to him, then pulls over a small crate that's on the balcony and sets the bag of food down. Jason thanking him is taken in stride with a small nod. It's not the first thank you Dick's gotten from him recently, and just goes to show how much things have shifted.]
( Jason shrugged off the suggestion even though he was the one to bring it up. Think he's had enough of meds, anyway.
As for how long its been going on... Mm, let him think. Jason's head knocked back against the concrete divider between his apartment and the next, his eyes looked up at the concrete of the balcony above him, and for a moment he'd forgotten what Dick had even asked. Stickly curls stuck to a dirty greasy face, yeah it was pretty much like being at home. They often got their electricity or water turned off. Places like this half the time it wasn't even because you didn't pay rent or bills, it was just because places like this sucked. It just reminded him of home so much.
Wait, Dick asked a question. A finger came up to scratch at the side of his nose. ) Can't remember, really. Shit sort of blurs together. It's not as bad as it was. Might be coming around, actually.
( Felt like a lie sometimes; felt like a big lie. Felt like this was never going to end. He knew this was what it always felt like; it's why it was so hard. Seconds turn into minutes, minutes to hours, hours to days. He quietly takes the drink and almost smashes it (gently) against the side of his face. Oh, yeah. That's nice. )
Yeah, wellβ you know me. You can kick me out of Gotham but you can't kick the Gotham out of me.( A moment. ) You probably also can't kick me out of Gotham, actually. But I figured the porkers wanted to hear some shit about why they'll never have to deal with me again and for a real split second I considered it.
( His eyes turn down to watch Dick pull up a crate and start unpacking food. No, no this was home. This was all he wanted. This was all he ever fucking wanted. It wasn't found in mansions. It wasn't found in money. )
[ More medication might not help, it's true, but Dick wants to think he could find something to ease all of this. Or maybe... maybe Jason's got to get through it on his own like this, to know that he can do it. That he can do better on his own terms.
He watches as Jason drifts away in thought, and for a moment he almost reaches out to hold onto his shoulder to try and ground him, but that's never been their thing either. ]
You'll feel better once it really is over. And not just physically.
[ Though he wonders if Jason will ever feel okay again. Has Jason ever really been okay, though? Maybe not, but this kind of guilt can weigh on a person. He knows it well. Zucco, Jericho, maybe not the same as Hank, but their blood is still on his hands.
At least there are small things that can help Jason feel a little better for now. The milkshake, the food, and hopefully the company.]
It's better if you stay. In the end I think it's better.
[ What would Jason do out there, aimlessly? At least here there's less of a chance of him drifting- although that's what he thought to himself in the first place, one Jason left the Tower and headed back to Gotham. How very wrong he was. But this is home, for both him and Jason, even if it took them a long time go get here. ]
And you know, then I'd have a longer way to track you down on your birthday.
( Yeah, yeah there's a big part of him that wants to do this the hard way. Then again, some substances can... legitimately kill you without chemical intervention, but he's made it this far and it's been bad but not that bad. There was really no telling, either. What would interact with what. It'd be easier to rush him in for care than cause a bad side effect. )
I think Gordan will disagree with you but she'll get over it.
( As for being okay... probably not. He'll never get over what he did to Hank. That blood will always be on his hands; the weight will always be on his shoulders. He'll learn, eventually, how to carry it. But that's all he can do. Carry it. )
I need to make amends. In my own way, at least. ( He rolls a bit after putting down the shake and fishes out a pack of smokes to spark one up. Take a nice long drag off it. ) Which she'll also hate, but whatever. ( This was home. And someone needed to protect the places no one else would. Bruce only touched the Alley once a year, and never touched the Narrows. Someone had to.
What comes next makes him pause, though. Hold on a moment, what fucking day was itβ ) Oh, Uhβ ( he shrugs and looks away. Heart racing. Someone gave a shit; Dick gave a shit and he didn't know how to feel about it. ) Why celebrate? I mean. I'm technically dead.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
for @robintoo
Date: 2021-10-25 07:35 am (UTC)No one's here right now. It's just you and me. No questions.
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Date: 2021-10-25 08:16 am (UTC)Really that hard up for company?
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Date: 2021-10-25 08:24 am (UTC)[A smile is good and he gives one right back, then nods his head towards the kitchen.]
Stay for a little while.
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Date: 2021-10-25 09:06 am (UTC)Yeah, okay. You got anything to eat?
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Date: 2021-10-25 03:54 pm (UTC)He's terrible at this, but the way they left things was pure shit.]
Yeah, Gar made some eggs and kale juice before he headed out. There's also some leftover cauliflower pizza. It's better the second day.
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Date: 2021-10-26 03:20 pm (UTC)Well it couldn't get WORSE on the second day.
[He grumbled and started to try to look around for something normal. Like cereal or eggs that didn't come into contact with kale juice.]
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Date: 2021-10-26 03:28 pm (UTC)He has more sense than to say that out loud, though. ]
Fine, I caved and got Chinese food last night- but I don't know if that's what you want for breakfast.
[ There's also cereal, or if Jason wants to make his own eggs, no problem. Dick is gonna go to town on this box of coffee right now. ]
Thanks again for the coffee. Hope you didn't have to go too far out of your way.
[ Then again, Jason's here at the Tower. Dick knows how much it must've taken for him to decide to come back here. ]
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Date: 2021-10-26 03:37 pm (UTC)I was passing by anyway. I buy weed off the barista there.
[He says it deadpan, but there's a faint smile that says he's joking. Probably.]
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Date: 2021-10-26 03:59 pm (UTC)You do not.
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Date: 2021-10-27 05:15 pm (UTC)Nah. I was around to talk to a guy who owes me a favor and still keeps an ear out in Gotham. My weed guy delivers.
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Date: 2021-10-27 05:36 pm (UTC)Where does he deliver to these days?
[ He asks instead, because he wants to know Jason's actually got a place to stay. ]
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Date: 2021-10-27 06:07 pm (UTC)Wherever I'm staying.
[He's not getting regular deliveries, so he's full of it. But he's not staying in any one place, either.]
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Date: 2021-10-27 06:15 pm (UTC)Unhelpful, he reminds himself. With Jason, he hasn't been entirely unhelpful. ]
So you have places to stay? You're not just...
[ Out on the street, Dick wants to say, but it twists in his gut.]
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From:i'm sorry, i know this is probably somewhat terribly ooc but i have to fix it ;___;
From:lol. Well we're playing fast and loose with season three not being a thing so I think it works!
From:okay good :D
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From:@Jason
Date: 2022-08-17 01:19 am (UTC)Dick can't stop thinking about him- how much he helped them in the end, how he came back to make his peace with Bruce. How no matter what Jason put out there, he really was just trying to find his place, and now he's displaced yet again. He'll never forgive Jason for killing Hank, but all of this is so much more complicated than that. He can't forget the way Jason sounded when he asked to come back home.
Despite what Jason told Bruce, Dick's almost positive that Jason isn't going to leave Gotham, and neither will he or the Titans. Maybe they should, but setting things back on track here in Gotham feels like a priority. Dick knows it's his mess to clean up anyway, just as much as Red Hood's.
In the end it's the date that convinces Dick to reach out, though he waffles with what to say for half the day before he finally just sends a message.]
Hey. Can we meet up?
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Date: 2022-08-18 09:05 am (UTC)But he wasn't afraid anymore. Drugs or no fucking drugs, he was done. It's just... that all of Gotham had to experience Jason fucking Todd's journey to find himself after being dead as shit, bro. He's never going to forgive himself for some of the things that he's done either. And maybe some part of him hoped-- no, a big part of him hoped that someone else could do it for him. But he knew they couldn't.
So he made his amends as much as he could. To Bruce, to Dick. And for the first while did consider picking up and heading out. Just leaving it all behind. But Gotham was his home, and it was dirty, and violent, and even Hell itself might be nicer, but it was his. And he could fill in a gap he knew Bruce wouldn't touch. He knew he could.
But first: putting shit back together.
The text was--eh, surprising, yeah. Wasn't really expecting to be in contact with anyone after all that. Frankly, Jason's been so preoccupied he hadn't even noticed the date. Molly might have said something but, you know. He's kind of been avoiding her. )
Where?
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Date: 2022-08-19 03:31 am (UTC)With all of that in mind, Jason texting him back is a relief. ]
Wherever works best for you. I know you're laying low.
[The last thing Dick wants is to drag him out into the wide open when there are still quite a few people gunning for Red Hood.]
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Date: 2022-08-19 07:12 pm (UTC)I'll send a pin.
( A few moments later a pin came in, and it was exactly where Dick likely expected. Deep into the Narrows; the top floor of one of many crammed highrise buildings. It was exactly what someone would expect it to look like. Small, a mattress for a bed and a couch. Milk crates for tables. The fridge was loud. The stove was old. The lighting worked sometimes, but brownouts were frequent. The TV was ancient and there was no AC. Just some old fans.
But it was fine. He's lived like this before, but when Dick arrives it's the shitty concrete balcony where Jay could be found. Sitting, hidden behind the slab walls. Smoking a cigarette. And he looked worst for wear. Sweaty beyond what summer should have someone, tired. )
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Date: 2022-08-20 02:34 am (UTC)Be there soon.
[ He messages back, then heads out, stopping at Jason's favorite burger joint to grab them some food. He's not sure how Jason's doing, but the guy's gotta eat either way- Especially on his birthday- hopefully always. Dick knows how things used to be for him before Bruce.
When he gets to the address Jason dropped he heads into the building and up the stairs, knocking on Jason's door. Once, twice, before he decides to head inside. He's hesitant, but there's this worry that spikes inside of him as well, which pushes him forward, slowly glancing around the place as he moves through it. There's not much to move through, not a whole lot to look at, but he does spot the open window and the smell of cigarette smoke wafting inside. Dick realizes then how tense he's been because he really didn't know what he'd find. ]
Jason?
[He calls out finally, sticking his head out the window.]
so sorry this took me awhile
Date: 2022-08-23 12:17 pm (UTC)Not in this state, though. Which honestly, he could be worse. He'd tried to stop drinking once and that was a fucking nightmare. Jason had some experience with the whole withdrawal thing already, and he had vivid memories when his mom tried a few times. She did try, she did... and he'd forgotten that. He'd been so mad at her and himself over that lethal dose he'd forgotten that she never wanted to be that way. It's just sometimes... sometimes the pain is too much. And wasn't that why he started drinking in the first place?
Yeah, like it or not he was a lot like his mother. And about as stupid as his father. He really was their child. )
Sup. ( As far as looks go, well he could honestly look worse, too. Didn't look great. Sweaty and kind of waxy skin. Extremely tired eyes. His hands had a bit of a shake to them when they plucked the smoke from his lips. ) What, you never seen a dumbass in withdrawal before?
( He nods for Dick to join him on the balcony. )
it's always okay!
Date: 2022-08-24 04:44 am (UTC)You should have told me.
[ Or maybe he should have known better, but he had no idea what would happen with this drug, or if Jason really was clean when they spoke in those tunnels. He did as much with the drug as he could, but he never did find out much about it. ]
I could have brought something to help.
[Dick frowns, holding the fast food bag up as he comes to sit next to Jason, resisting the urge to check his vitals and all that.]
Instead I brought food.
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Date: 2022-08-24 12:26 pm (UTC)Speaking of, he shoots Dick a look. ) Like what, dude? We have no idea what can help with this shit outside of anxiety meds, maybe. ( He shrugs. ) Probably wont help with anything else, though. ( He hasn't quit drinking, yet. One thing at a time. But he's drinking a lot less.
There's a moment. His eyes shift over to where Grayson sits beside him, and his urge? Honestly? He just wants to collapse on him. They'd never been that close. He hadn't been that close with anyone in a long time and... he didn't really want to count Rose in all that. But Jason was tired. God, he was tired. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally fucking tired. )
Food's good, man. Thanks. ( A shocker, that. He said thanks. )
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Date: 2022-08-28 02:51 am (UTC)[ The look Jason shoots him is good. It's very Jason, and that much Dick can appreciate, even after all of this. To think, how it took all this for him to feel this way. It's shitty all around. At least he can admit that now too.
Dick would probably think he was losing his own mind if Jason collapsed on him, but he'd get it. Dick can feel the tiredness seeping out of his bones in every direction. Withdrawal is hard and complicated. Even more so when it isn't like any other drug out there. ]
I even got you a milkshake. The cold might help.
[Dick digs into the bag and pulls it out, holding it up to him, then pulls over a small crate that's on the balcony and sets the bag of food down. Jason thanking him is taken in stride with a small nod. It's not the first thank you Dick's gotten from him recently, and just goes to show how much things have shifted.]
I had a feeling you'd decide to stay in Gotham.
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Date: 2022-08-28 08:41 pm (UTC)As for how long its been going on... Mm, let him think. Jason's head knocked back against the concrete divider between his apartment and the next, his eyes looked up at the concrete of the balcony above him, and for a moment he'd forgotten what Dick had even asked. Stickly curls stuck to a dirty greasy face, yeah it was pretty much like being at home. They often got their electricity or water turned off. Places like this half the time it wasn't even because you didn't pay rent or bills, it was just because places like this sucked. It just reminded him of home so much.
Wait, Dick asked a question. A finger came up to scratch at the side of his nose. ) Can't remember, really. Shit sort of blurs together. It's not as bad as it was. Might be coming around, actually.
( Felt like a lie sometimes; felt like a big lie. Felt like this was never going to end. He knew this was what it always felt like; it's why it was so hard. Seconds turn into minutes, minutes to hours, hours to days. He quietly takes the drink and almost smashes it (gently) against the side of his face. Oh, yeah. That's nice. )
Yeah, wellβ you know me. You can kick me out of Gotham but you can't kick the Gotham out of me.( A moment. ) You probably also can't kick me out of Gotham, actually. But I figured the porkers wanted to hear some shit about why they'll never have to deal with me again and for a real split second I considered it.
( His eyes turn down to watch Dick pull up a crate and start unpacking food. No, no this was home. This was all he wanted. This was all he ever fucking wanted. It wasn't found in mansions. It wasn't found in money. )
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Date: 2022-08-30 01:32 am (UTC)He watches as Jason drifts away in thought, and for a moment he almost reaches out to hold onto his shoulder to try and ground him, but that's never been their thing either. ]
You'll feel better once it really is over. And not just physically.
[ Though he wonders if Jason will ever feel okay again. Has Jason ever really been okay, though? Maybe not, but this kind of guilt can weigh on a person. He knows it well. Zucco, Jericho, maybe not the same as Hank, but their blood is still on his hands.
At least there are small things that can help Jason feel a little better for now. The milkshake, the food, and hopefully the company.]
It's better if you stay. In the end I think it's better.
[ What would Jason do out there, aimlessly? At least here there's less of a chance of him drifting- although that's what he thought to himself in the first place, one Jason left the Tower and headed back to Gotham. How very wrong he was. But this is home, for both him and Jason, even if it took them a long time go get here. ]
And you know, then I'd have a longer way to track you down on your birthday.
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Date: 2022-08-30 12:53 pm (UTC)I think Gordan will disagree with you but she'll get over it.
( As for being okay... probably not. He'll never get over what he did to Hank. That blood will always be on his hands; the weight will always be on his shoulders. He'll learn, eventually, how to carry it. But that's all he can do. Carry it. )
I need to make amends. In my own way, at least. ( He rolls a bit after putting down the shake and fishes out a pack of smokes to spark one up. Take a nice long drag off it. ) Which she'll also hate, but whatever. ( This was home. And someone needed to protect the places no one else would. Bruce only touched the Alley once a year, and never touched the Narrows. Someone had to.
What comes next makes him pause, though. Hold on a moment, what fucking day was itβ ) Oh, Uhβ ( he shrugs and looks away. Heart racing. Someone gave a shit; Dick gave a shit and he didn't know how to feel about it. ) Why celebrate? I mean. I'm technically dead.
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