[ Dick shifts on his feet, leaning back against the counter opposite Jason as he takes a longer sip of his coffee. He wants to give Jason a lecture so badly right now, but for once he holds his tongue.
Unhelpful, he reminds himself. With Jason, he hasn't been entirely unhelpful. ]
So you have places to stay? You're not just...
[ Out on the street, Dick wants to say, but it twists in his gut.]
[Jason can see the urge to say something rising under Dick's skin, and smirks a little more, but just munches his cereal and lets him stew over his coffee until he actually asks the question.
Then he shrugs.]
I'm not a kid anymore, I don't crash in whatever cardboard box looks comfy. Relax.
[That, and how Jason shrugs it off like it's nothing. He knows that isn't true, but what is he supposed to do? Tell him to come back here? Dick knows they already fucked that one up real good.
He's relieved Jason's keeping in touch with him at all at this point.
But he just can't help himself.]
Your room is still here for you if you want it. Haven't touched a thing.
It wasn't anyone else's, Jason. You were a part of us when we came back here.
[ Dick knows he's toeing a line here, but maybe it needs to be said. Maybe it needs to be out here in a way it never was before. ]
You're still a part of us now. I fucked up. I get it. And you know, maybe the rest of them fucked up too. But you're still in San Fransisco for a reason, right?
I was a homework assignment Bruce gave you. You don't have to bullshit me.
[He is in San Fran, and he's got a few BS excuses for that, sure. But mostly he didn't want to be in Gotham, where Bruce wanted to bench him and he didn't feel like he fit back into his skin as Robin. Not that he'd ever really fit - it'd always been him taking Dick's place - but more than he does now.
Mostly, Jason just doesn't know where the hell to be and Dick's the one who keeps talking to him.]
You don't have to take the blame for every fucking thing, you know. I was the asshole who ran off and got caught by Deathstroke. I'm the one who didn't know I was getting played. Not all you.
Jason... okay, so maybe at first that's how it was. Not a homework assignment, Jason. Just someone who could be a part of us. We were all trying to figure it out back then.
[ Best to be honest here, isn't it? Jason doesn't need words, he needs honesty. Something that they haven't always given each other, but when they did, it worked. ]
You ran off for a reason, and I get it. I didn't blame you. I never blamed you.
[Jason gives him a dubious look and a slight smile. He knows he had been. Dick had picked his team, except for Jason. But he'd been figuring shit out too, that part was true.]
So you've got it figured out now?
[Jason sets the bowl down, arms crossing over his chest in a posture that's meant to be casual but looks defensive.]
You should have. I had the same bat-training as you, I knew better. Could have gotten Gar killed too. So how come you want me back at all?
[ Dick hadn't exactly picked his team. They all just sort of came together, just the same as Jason did when he ended up with them. They all might not want to admit that, but it's the truth. ]
No. I don't. Not even close.
[ Which is admitting more than he'd like to admit, but he's already admitted a lot to Jason, even if the younger man doesn't want to see it. He's the first one Dick opened up to when it came to Deathstroke and Jericho, and then it all fell apart.
He was terrible at talking then, and he's just as terrible now, he's sure of it, but he's trying. He wants to try. ]
You were trying to do exactly what I was always trying to do. Prove myself to Bruce. I'm not Bruce. I don't want to be him and you don't have to be me. I know you know that now. Can't we just be something else?
[ It's not often he sees that look on Jason's face, and he wonders if it means he's getting through to him. Even a little bit would be good. ]
I'm not looking to be perfect. And yeah, I get that I don't need to prove myself to him. Do you?
[ He knows how stuck on Bruce Jason's been, but he also know that Jason was trying to prove himself not only to Bruce, but to him as well. He doesn't want that. ]
Yeah, not really how it works for someone like me. I'm always gonna have to prove myself.
[Jason's Gotham street trash. He's a dime a dozen. He's always had to prove himself to make a place, and he's never not going to have to. It's why he takes coming up short so hard.
He laughs a little.]
Sure. Former Robins on a mission of self discovery. They find out they're not good at shit except kicking ass.
[Jason tilts his head a little and then admits.]
You know I don't get you, right? No one expects you to get anywhere with me, not even Bruce. You've got a team full of people already. Why do you keep wanting me to come back? You don't need shit I can do.
[ He understands that mindset. Not as intensely as Jason does, but he knows what it feels like to drown in the idea of needing to prove himself. It's a shitty thing, and he's not sure how to get Jason past it. Dick knows he already failed Jason once, pretty miserably.
He's not taking the blame. He's trying to own it. ]
You wouldn't have to if everyone gave you an actual chance.
[ But Jason makes it hard, and they never really made the time for it.
Dick looks at him, at how confused Jason is by all of this, and maybe if he were in his position he'd be confused too. Dick knows how terrible he is at talking, at expressing himself. Feelings are not either of their strong suits, and neither is honesty.
Although Jason is being more honest with him now that he ever remembers him being- but maybe it's because they're both here by choice. Whatever it was before, was caught up in so many things. Bruce, responsibilities, excuses. ]
You're one of us, Jason... and somehow, somewhere along the line I fucked that up. We all did. I want to get somewhere with you, not cause Bruce fucking expects it. Not because anyone else does or doesn't. You're still here, right? You're still talking to me even after all that shit. That has to be something.
Yeah well, when they do, I usually fuck it up, and fuck them over for trying so. Can't really blame them.
[It's weird, how honest they're being. Dick's heard some version of that before, when Jason was a step away from going off a rooftop. But they haven't really had a heart to heart since and Jason hadn't figured they ever would.
But he's reluctant to leave, for whatever reason. Maybe that whole thing where he doesn't know where the fuck to go, really.]
I wasn't. I wasn't really a Titan, that's your thing.
[Jason shifts, a little aimless, restless fidget that gives away he's not as at ease as he's trying to seem.]
Maybe it's something, but I don't know what. Where do you want to get with me? Get me on the team, playing good Titan soldieer?
[ It's not. Even if Jason left, so did the rest of them, and it wasn't Jason who fucked them over, was it. Dick does remember the truths they told each other on the rooftop that day, and he thinks it's only fair that Jason gets to hear this too. ]
Maybe being a Titan was never part of your plan, but you're still one of us.
[ That's something they should have all told him, but Dick can only be responsible for himself. ]
No. I don't know. Things are different now, Jason. I'm sorry that it took what happened to you to change it.
[ He feels the knot in his throat, the anxiety from all these words and truths. He's not at ease either. He can tell Jason isn't, and he knows this will either pull him in or push him away. He told himself though- if he ever had another chance, this is what he would say. This is what he would do. ]
[Isn't it? Yeah, Dick's actions might be why Deathstroke was after the Titans, but they'd all made the call to approach his son. And Jason was still the one who went out after him, almost got himself and Gar killed and ended up with a fucked up brain because of it. Not that his brain was great before that.
Maybe Dick hadn't helped, and neither had the rest of the team turning on him, or Rose playing him for a fool. But Jason had still made that bed pretty well himself.
For all his attitude, admitting he's a fuck up has never been a problem he has.
He doesn't say anything for a long time, just lets Dick talk, eyes darting from Dick's face to elsewhere in the room rather than holding his eyes.]
I thought maybe I could just take on low level thugs you know. On my own. But that pretty much just means I'm a midlevel thug, right? So I thought maybe ... I don't know, private security or something. But the only assholes who hire that are the assholes who need the shit kicked out of them anyway. I'm not you, as Robin. But it's pretty much the only thing I was good at. And that's fucked so ... not really a space for me anywhere. You keep saying there's one here, but it doesn't feel like it.
[ Jason had a part to play, but he wasn't the only one. Not even close to being the only one who had a hand in everything that went down, even though they acted like he was.
They failed him when Jason needed them the most.
And now Jason is lost. Unsure. Even more than he used to be. It's strange to think of him out there as some kind of security guard. That's not how any of this was supposed to go. He can't imagine Bruce is alright with this either, but... this isn't about Bruce. Dick doesn't even want it to be. But still, he has to ask. ]
Why is that fucked, Jason? You don't need to be me as Robin. You shouldn't be. Doesn't mean you can't be Robin at all.
I know maybe it doesn't feel like there's a place for you here, but there can be again. If you want it.
Bruce doesn't want you to be me, Jason. No one else does either.
[ He can't help the slight disdain in his tone. He knows Jason probably won't see it any other way no matter what he says. Just another thing he feels he has to prove.
He knows Jason is feeling uneasy, but he's still here. Dick crosses his arms over his chest lightly, glancing down for a moment, trying to figure out what to say. But he knows. It's the truth Jason wants, and Dick has lied enough. ]
[Jason scoffs, because it's not true. But he doesn't argue.
If he asks Bruce, he'd probably say the same thing. But that doesn't mean he doesn't want another Dick. Maybe a shot at fixing his own mistakes with Dick or something. Instead he has Jason, who has his own set of issues and fuck ups. It'd be easier all around if he were more like Dick, but he's not, and he can't be.]
So what are you going to do instead? Just ... do it all again? Lead a team, keep fighting, all of it?
[In a way, Jason doesn't get it. His instinct is to get away from things that have the power to hurt him. And he knows that the team all turning on Dick probably hurt him worse than it had Jason. Dick had been their friend, after all. Jason was just someone they barely knew. It had to hit him worse. And he still wants to do it all again.
But then, Jason does get it too. Because he's here, and sometimes going it alone sucks.]
If that's what you want, having me hang around is probably a shitty way to start. They're not going to want me around, and I still don't know shit about a team.
[ Yeah, it hurt. It hurt more than anything, and he carried that pain and guilt with him all the way to a jail cell. It was selfish and foolish, and now that he's got his head out of his ass once again, he's willing to try again. ]
There's no reason for them to not want you around, Jason. Things got twisted up, yeah, but we all played our part. If you're willing to try, we can make it happen. You know more than you think you do.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2021-10-27 05:36 pm (UTC)Where does he deliver to these days?
[ He asks instead, because he wants to know Jason's actually got a place to stay. ]
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Date: 2021-10-27 06:07 pm (UTC)Wherever I'm staying.
[He's not getting regular deliveries, so he's full of it. But he's not staying in any one place, either.]
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Date: 2021-10-27 06:15 pm (UTC)Unhelpful, he reminds himself. With Jason, he hasn't been entirely unhelpful. ]
So you have places to stay? You're not just...
[ Out on the street, Dick wants to say, but it twists in his gut.]
no subject
Date: 2021-11-06 06:12 am (UTC)Then he shrugs.]
I'm not a kid anymore, I don't crash in whatever cardboard box looks comfy. Relax.
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Date: 2021-11-06 03:14 pm (UTC)[That, and how Jason shrugs it off like it's nothing. He knows that isn't true, but what is he supposed to do? Tell him to come back here? Dick knows they already fucked that one up real good.
He's relieved Jason's keeping in touch with him at all at this point.
But he just can't help himself.]
Your room is still here for you if you want it. Haven't touched a thing.
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Date: 2021-11-07 01:44 am (UTC)[Jason's teasing, and it's obvious he's not serious.
But he knows what Dick's fishing for, and where he's going before he gets there. He looks away again.]
Yeah, wasn't really mine to start with, not really mine now.
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Date: 2021-11-07 01:50 am (UTC)[ Dick knows he's toeing a line here, but maybe it needs to be said. Maybe it needs to be out here in a way it never was before. ]
You're still a part of us now. I fucked up. I get it. And you know, maybe the rest of them fucked up too. But you're still in San Fransisco for a reason, right?
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Date: 2021-11-07 01:58 am (UTC)I was a homework assignment Bruce gave you. You don't have to bullshit me.
[He is in San Fran, and he's got a few BS excuses for that, sure. But mostly he didn't want to be in Gotham, where Bruce wanted to bench him and he didn't feel like he fit back into his skin as Robin. Not that he'd ever really fit - it'd always been him taking Dick's place - but more than he does now.
Mostly, Jason just doesn't know where the hell to be and Dick's the one who keeps talking to him.]
You don't have to take the blame for every fucking thing, you know. I was the asshole who ran off and got caught by Deathstroke. I'm the one who didn't know I was getting played. Not all you.
[It didn't actually answer anything.]
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Date: 2021-11-07 02:12 am (UTC)[ Best to be honest here, isn't it? Jason doesn't need words, he needs honesty. Something that they haven't always given each other, but when they did, it worked. ]
You ran off for a reason, and I get it. I didn't blame you. I never blamed you.
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Date: 2021-11-07 02:45 am (UTC)So you've got it figured out now?
[Jason sets the bowl down, arms crossing over his chest in a posture that's meant to be casual but looks defensive.]
You should have. I had the same bat-training as you, I knew better. Could have gotten Gar killed too. So how come you want me back at all?
no subject
Date: 2021-11-07 03:03 am (UTC)No. I don't. Not even close.
[ Which is admitting more than he'd like to admit, but he's already admitted a lot to Jason, even if the younger man doesn't want to see it. He's the first one Dick opened up to when it came to Deathstroke and Jericho, and then it all fell apart.
He was terrible at talking then, and he's just as terrible now, he's sure of it, but he's trying. He wants to try. ]
You were trying to do exactly what I was always trying to do. Prove myself to Bruce. I'm not Bruce. I don't want to be him and you don't have to be me. I know you know that now. Can't we just be something else?
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Date: 2021-11-07 03:36 am (UTC)Yeah ... guess that makes two of us.
[He's been lost and scraping by most of his life, except for those few years with Bruce. But those feel like an illusion in hindsight.]
You get that you don't need to now, right? The old man thinks you're pretty perfect, screwups or not.
[Jason licks his lips uneasily and taps his fingers restlessly on his own arm.]
Yeah well, what else is there to be?
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Date: 2021-11-07 06:46 am (UTC)I'm not looking to be perfect. And yeah, I get that I don't need to prove myself to him. Do you?
[ He knows how stuck on Bruce Jason's been, but he also know that Jason was trying to prove himself not only to Bruce, but to him as well. He doesn't want that. ]
If you stick around, maybe we can find out.
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Date: 2021-11-07 07:34 am (UTC)Yeah, not really how it works for someone like me. I'm always gonna have to prove myself.
[Jason's Gotham street trash. He's a dime a dozen. He's always had to prove himself to make a place, and he's never not going to have to. It's why he takes coming up short so hard.
He laughs a little.]
Sure. Former Robins on a mission of self discovery. They find out they're not good at shit except kicking ass.
[Jason tilts his head a little and then admits.]
You know I don't get you, right? No one expects you to get anywhere with me, not even Bruce. You've got a team full of people already. Why do you keep wanting me to come back? You don't need shit I can do.
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Date: 2021-11-07 10:36 pm (UTC)He's not taking the blame. He's trying to own it. ]
You wouldn't have to if everyone gave you an actual chance.
[ But Jason makes it hard, and they never really made the time for it.
Dick looks at him, at how confused Jason is by all of this, and maybe if he were in his position he'd be confused too. Dick knows how terrible he is at talking, at expressing himself. Feelings are not either of their strong suits, and neither is honesty.
Although Jason is being more honest with him now that he ever remembers him being- but maybe it's because they're both here by choice. Whatever it was before, was caught up in so many things. Bruce, responsibilities, excuses. ]
You're one of us, Jason... and somehow, somewhere along the line I fucked that up. We all did. I want to get somewhere with you, not cause Bruce fucking expects it. Not because anyone else does or doesn't. You're still here, right? You're still talking to me even after all that shit. That has to be something.
no subject
Date: 2021-11-08 12:24 am (UTC)[It's weird, how honest they're being. Dick's heard some version of that before, when Jason was a step away from going off a rooftop. But they haven't really had a heart to heart since and Jason hadn't figured they ever would.
But he's reluctant to leave, for whatever reason. Maybe that whole thing where he doesn't know where the fuck to go, really.]
I wasn't. I wasn't really a Titan, that's your thing.
[Jason shifts, a little aimless, restless fidget that gives away he's not as at ease as he's trying to seem.]
Maybe it's something, but I don't know what. Where do you want to get with me? Get me on the team, playing good Titan soldieer?
i'm sorry, i know this is probably somewhat terribly ooc but i have to fix it ;___;
Date: 2021-11-08 12:52 am (UTC)[ It's not. Even if Jason left, so did the rest of them, and it wasn't Jason who fucked them over, was it. Dick does remember the truths they told each other on the rooftop that day, and he thinks it's only fair that Jason gets to hear this too. ]
Maybe being a Titan was never part of your plan, but you're still one of us.
[ That's something they should have all told him, but Dick can only be responsible for himself. ]
No. I don't know. Things are different now, Jason. I'm sorry that it took what happened to you to change it.
[ He feels the knot in his throat, the anxiety from all these words and truths. He's not at ease either. He can tell Jason isn't, and he knows this will either pull him in or push him away. He told himself though- if he ever had another chance, this is what he would say. This is what he would do. ]
lol. Well we're playing fast and loose with season three not being a thing so I think it works!
Date: 2021-11-08 02:47 am (UTC)Maybe Dick hadn't helped, and neither had the rest of the team turning on him, or Rose playing him for a fool. But Jason had still made that bed pretty well himself.
For all his attitude, admitting he's a fuck up has never been a problem he has.
He doesn't say anything for a long time, just lets Dick talk, eyes darting from Dick's face to elsewhere in the room rather than holding his eyes.]
I thought maybe I could just take on low level thugs you know. On my own. But that pretty much just means I'm a midlevel thug, right? So I thought maybe ... I don't know, private security or something. But the only assholes who hire that are the assholes who need the shit kicked out of them anyway. I'm not you, as Robin. But it's pretty much the only thing I was good at. And that's fucked so ... not really a space for me anywhere. You keep saying there's one here, but it doesn't feel like it.
okay good :D
Date: 2021-11-08 11:09 pm (UTC)They failed him when Jason needed them the most.
And now Jason is lost. Unsure. Even more than he used to be. It's strange to think of him out there as some kind of security guard. That's not how any of this was supposed to go. He can't imagine Bruce is alright with this either, but... this isn't about Bruce. Dick doesn't even want it to be. But still, he has to ask. ]
Why is that fucked, Jason? You don't need to be me as Robin. You shouldn't be. Doesn't mean you can't be Robin at all.
I know maybe it doesn't feel like there's a place for you here, but there can be again. If you want it.
no subject
Date: 2021-11-09 03:23 am (UTC)It's what people want. It's what Bruce wants. And it just is.
[What the fuck good was a Robin who was afraid to fly?
He shrugs, movement small and uneasy. Instead of answering, he asks.]
Why did you stay, after everything?
no subject
Date: 2021-11-09 03:41 am (UTC)[ He can't help the slight disdain in his tone. He knows Jason probably won't see it any other way no matter what he says. Just another thing he feels he has to prove.
He knows Jason is feeling uneasy, but he's still here. Dick crosses his arms over his chest lightly, glancing down for a moment, trying to figure out what to say. But he knows. It's the truth Jason wants, and Dick has lied enough. ]
I was tired of running away.
no subject
Date: 2021-11-09 05:21 am (UTC)If he asks Bruce, he'd probably say the same thing. But that doesn't mean he doesn't want another Dick. Maybe a shot at fixing his own mistakes with Dick or something. Instead he has Jason, who has his own set of issues and fuck ups. It'd be easier all around if he were more like Dick, but he's not, and he can't be.]
So what are you going to do instead? Just ... do it all again? Lead a team, keep fighting, all of it?
no subject
Date: 2021-11-09 12:22 pm (UTC)He knows Bruce matters too much. He remembers how hard it was to break away.]
That's what I'm hoping for, yeah. But out there, isntead of just fighting each other.
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Date: 2021-11-12 03:46 pm (UTC)But then, Jason does get it too. Because he's here, and sometimes going it alone sucks.]
If that's what you want, having me hang around is probably a shitty way to start. They're not going to want me around, and I still don't know shit about a team.
no subject
Date: 2021-11-12 07:30 pm (UTC)There's no reason for them to not want you around, Jason. Things got twisted up, yeah, but we all played our part. If you're willing to try, we can make it happen. You know more than you think you do.
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